Do you want to be a movie mentor?*

1. I would love to help
2. I'd be quite interested
3. I'm a bit reluctant
4. Thanks for asking, but no
5. Not after what happened to the last one
6. Get lost, loser

When your pupil lets you down, do you?*

1. Shrug and smile
2. Utter words of encouragement
3. Hug them and tell them not to give up
4. Try to contain your anger
5. Shout and rant
6. Slap the living snot out of them

What are your main traits as a mentor?*

1. I don't have any
2. I can tie my own shoe laces
3. Ask me again in 5 minutes
4. Highly organised and articulate
5. Highly threatening
6. Highly prone to violence

Can you be trusted?*

1. Hell, no
2. I think so
3. Will you lend me £100?
4. Until the going gets tough
5. Through thick and thin
6. To the ends of the earth

The purpose of life is to:*

1. Crush all competition, then crush again
2. Bring out the best in those you meet
3. Be the best you can
4. Revel in mediocrity
5. Never look yourself in the mirror
6. Hide in a darkened room

How do you motivate others?*

1. Through fear of physical violence
2. Shouting and threatening behaviour
3. Shouting alone
4. In a gruff voice
5. Through kindness and song
6. Using incomprehensible aphorisms

How do you get through a locked door?*

1. Perhaps the door only appears to be locked...
2. Locate key
3. Coax key from keyholder
4. Shout at keyholder until they surrender
5. With an axe
6. I give it head-butts

What about goodness, truth and beauty?*

1. They always come first
2. They're in there, somewhere
3. In an ideal world, maybe
4. Don't make me laugh
5. What about them, dickface?
6. I chew them up and spit them back at you

A good mentor must seek consensus*

1. Well, we all agree on that, don't we?
2. To a certain extent
3. I listen to others but am unlikely to change
4. No they don't
5. I do not respond to logic, emotion or reason
6. I'd rather die than change

Is being a mentor satisfying?*

1. It's pain, pain and more pain you idiot
2. It's 99% tears and 1% joy
3. Only with the right pupil
4. Most of the time
5. Except when they fail
6. Always

Is this the start of a long relationship?*

1. That's the only way I work
2. Until they let me down
3. Possibly
4. Probably not
5. If they're still alive at the end of it
6. No. Helping them has killed me

Are you elderly or retired?*

1. I am 900 years old
2. Yes, but with age comes wisdom
3. None of your business
4. Yes, but I could take you down like a shot
5. The last person to ask will never ask again
6. Yes, and I'm mad as hell about it

Do you tell or do you show?*

1. If I could show, I wouldn't mentor this punk
2. I show. One time
3. I tell. Very loudly
4. I tell, then show, then growl
5. I tell, and then show
6. I explain slowly and patiently

Do you rescue mentorees in trouble?*

1. God no. If they die, they die
2. I will use magic to save them
3. I will try
4. Only if it's easy
5. I'll do anything short of dying
6. I will die rescuing them

Can you see potential where others don't?*

1. It's one of the things I pride myself on
2. Yes, but with age comes wisdom
3. I sometimes need pushing to see it
4. No one spots potential like me
5. I see it, then I coax it out of them
6. I see it, then I beat it out of them