1. Your partner is driving up a Welsh mountain in a Hyundai Atoz hire car, conditions are icy, and the car starts to roll back downhill. Do you:*

1. a) say: "I love you, and it has all been worth it?"
2. b) clamber over him or her to wrest control of the car?
3. c) shout: "You fool, you stupid, witless tightwad, why didn't you get the beemer with the four-wheel drive as per my EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS?"
4. d) open your door and roll quietly out of the car?

2. You are planning a mini-break for yourself and your partner. Do you:*

1. a) go to that French sex hotel with the role-play masks in the rooms?
2. b) go on an enviro-break where you learn how to build a dry stone wall?
3. c) find three like-minded couples who want to go with you?
4. d) book something for you together, then manufacture some impediment to your accompanying him or her? For example, losing your passport, or spraining your ankle: something so irreversible, so unfakeable, that even you don't know whether or not you did it on purpose.

3. Your partner does something annoying. Do you:*

1. a) never speak of it?
2. b) call him or her some affectionate name, such as "nitwit"?
3. c) accidentally swear foully, somewhat mis-pitching the rage to the magnitude of the event?
4. d) come out with some bizarre, cantilevered sentence that, once it spills out, indicates that you have been building up the insult, adding bits to it, for months? "Yet again, you open your mouth and the slurry of inanity vies with the toxic sludge of self-involvement, to see what could make you the most rebarbative" - that kind of thing.

4. You are out on your own, and you meet some other person who might be considered attractive. Do you:*

1. a) not notice?
2. b) pretend not to notice?
3. c) give them your number?
4. d) take a video of them on your phone, which you then make no attempt to hide?

5. If your partner is ill in bed, do you tend to think:*

1. a) they must be really poorly?
2. b) they are making a bit of a song and dance about it?
3. c) they are malingering?
4. d) the rest of the house is somehow more enjoyable?

6. It is coming up to your second anniversary. Do you:*

1. a) spend ages trying to find a way to morph "paper" into something more useful and expensive, like a jacket?
2. b) plan some event that is customarily enjoyed by two people, maybe involving eating?
3. c) rejoice that it coincides with an M&S two-meals-and-a-bottle-of-wine-for-a-tenner promotion?
4. d) fall into a deep despair that will not lift until the very season of the anniversary has expired?

7. You are at a party with your partner. Having arrived with one arm no longer than the other, he/she goes to the off-licence, leaving you alone. Do you:*

1. a) take a moment to realise how lost you feel without him or her?
2. b) start chatting in the normal way?
3. c) seize the chance to do something you are not normally allowed to do, like smoke or drink martinis?
4. d) make a pass at someone?

8. When you buy a big-ticket furniture item for the house you share with your partner, do you:*

1. a) throw everything you've got at it, with never a thought for how it could be divided?
2. b) buy the thing, use the thing, never worry about the thing, but always remember with a fair degree of accuracy who put most towards the thing?
3. c) tend towards modular units that, so long as you break up before they've been discontinued, you can always split relatively easily and just replace bits?
4. d) take photographs of yourself wearing 90s clothes, while sitting on the thing, with the intention of using them to prove that you bought it before the relationship started?

9. Do you feel most pained and/or uncomfortable when, with your partner, you are watching:*

1. a) The English Patient?
2. b) Ghost?
3. c) The War of the Roses?
4. d) We Don't Live Here Anymore?

10. Your partner leaves the house wheeling a bike and two seconds later you hear the unmistakable sound of a collision. Do you:*

1. a) race out there keening, then, discovering it is just a taxi driver and a tosser in a stripy shirt, dance around them, going: "It's only you! I don't care about you"?
2. b) race out there in high distress, but at least manage to contain your relief so you don't use it to taunt the accident victims?
3. c) saunter out there at a regular speed, and note with satisfaction that you were right about that bend being too dangerous?
4. d) run out there and realise with a shock that your dominant emotion is disappointment?