1. When you eat an apple, does he or she:*

1. a) smile affectionately at you, as one would at a beautiful horse eating an apple?
2. b) think how tasty it looks and get one for him- or herself?
3. c) ask you to close your mouth while you're chewing because they can't hear the telly?
4. d) leave the room?

2. When you buy fancy new underwear for yourself, does he or she say:*

1. a) "You should have let me buy that"?
2. b) "You are truly gorgeous and I am the luckiest man/woman alive"?
3. c) "Ooh, daring colour at your age!"?
4. d) "Jesus, really?"

3. You win an award from a niche but legitimate organisation. Does he or she say:*

1. a) "You deserve this, and ALL the awards"?
2. b) "Well done! It's a bit plasticky but we'll keep it in the downstairs bathroom"?
3. c) "They had a ceremony to give you this? Who do they think they are, the Oscars?"
4. d) "I think maybe the problem between us is that I can't cope with your success. Yes, I am being sarcastic"?

4. You get into a fracas that was mainly the fault of the other person, but could have been 15% your fault, and end up in casualty having been glassed in the neck. Are you:*

1. a) in a hospital bed, tended by your partner?
2. b) in hospital alone, but only momentarily, while your partner harasses the police to do their work faster and better?
3. c) in hospital with your partner, listening to them moan about how you'd think hospital car parks would be free after closing time?
4. d) in hospital alone, listening to your partner tell you over the phone that they could have drunk in that boozer for 20 years and never once got glassed by anyone?

5. You go for a weekend in a country cottage and get snowed in, without WiFi. Does your partner suggest:*

1. a) that this is the best thing ever to have happened to two human beings?
2. b) that it's not a disaster because he or she has brought work with them to do on the Monday?
3. c) that it's your fault for not checking the weather?
4. d) that he or she call the emergency services forthwith?

6. On a holiday on a Greek island, you go on one of those fishing trips and they leave you in the water by accident, a little bit like the plot of a film that you may or may not have seen. Anyway, unlike that, you are so close to the beach that you can see it. But your partner is a strong swimmer and you are not. Does he or she suggest:*

1. a) that he or she can pull you in, because you definitely can't be much heavier than one of those bricks they use in lifesaving classes?
2. b) that he or she will swim in, then swim back with help for you?
3. c) that it's actually time your swimming improved, and you should try to swim in together?
4. d) that he or she will swim in - and you can do what you like?

7. You have to go to hospital for a minor operation, from which you need another adult to collect you during work time. Does your partner:*

1. a) readily agree, take the time off work and also the opportunity to festoon you with things you like, such as box sets and noodles?
2. b) agree without hesitation, but let off signals of mild inconvenience by doing work in the afternoon?
3. c) ask why your sister can't collect you, since she's "self-employed" (his or her inverted commas)?
4. d) agree, but use your anaesthetised state to get you to sign something you would never normally sign, like a birth certificate or life insurance document?

8. It's your birthday. What do you get for breakfast?*

1. a) smoked salmon and scrambled egg.
2. b) a bacon sandwich.
3. c) a piece of toast that has the distinction of being brought to your bedside.
4. d) nothing. They did not remember it was your birthday.

9. Does he or she ever do an impression of your laugh?*

1. a) never.
2. b) yes, and it is quite amusing.
3. c) yes, and it sounds like a duck quacking.
4. d) yes, and it sounds like somebody being killed.

10. If your partner has an objection to you or a problem of any sort, how does he or she bring it up?*

1. a) in a calm and reflective moment and a pleasant tone of voice?
2. b) blurted out after booze?
3. c) tacked on to the end of a load of other objections, as part of a charge sheet?
4. d) in front of mutual friends, in a shower of ridicule?